Forward
Introduction Allowing change & growth The Savior Expectations & conditions Insecurity & low self-esteem Not being realistic Ignoring the problems Sexual intimacy Losing the intimacy Power struggles Over-nurturing Affairs Not your authentic self Freedom of self-expression Fear of loneliness Ownership, property or object… Addiction to a lover Lessons Should you break up? Ending a relationship Greater evolved relationships Relationships & Subtle Bodies Conclusion |
The term “having” a partner is quite misleading, as you can never truly possess another person. Yet, many people feel pressured to obtain a girlfriend or boyfriend because everyone around them seems to have one. In our teenage years, this motivation might stem from lust, jealousy, or social ranking. As we grow older, societal pressures can urge us to find happiness in marriage, yet the misguided idea of ownership can still creep into our relationships.
From a young age, we are taught what is desirable to have or become. Our educators emphasize intelligence, our parents instill morality and social survival skills, friends influence us to acquire gadgets, and the media dictates which gadgets to get. We learn how to dress, speak, behave, and think according to external standards, which often overshadow our inner desires when it comes to attraction. We often form special bonds with things we consider “ours.” A poem we wrote, a favorite pen, or a lucky coin hold more value to us than similar items belonging to others. When we apply these superficial preferences to people, we reduce them to objects to be graded and compared. Seeing an attractive person might trigger a desire to possess them as if they were a new toy. This is not love at first sight; it’s a distorted form of lust. The urge to possess a person can be subtle. For instance, a partner might offer warmth and stability when their mate feels lost and needy, expecting something in return once they’ve “done their share.” They might even start controlling their partner’s actions, molding them into what they want them to be. You cannot change a person. Despite the cliché, many still try to make their partners conform to their desires through guilt or control. Those who yield to such demands often do so out of fear of losing their partner or a misunderstanding of what love truly is. The dominated partner might subconsciously seek a dominator to bring order to their life, often suffering from low self-esteem. This type of relationship, appearing as an equal exchange on a superficial level, lacks genuine love. It’s a cycle of domination disguised as a loving relationship. Placing demands on your partner, expecting them to comply out of love, can lead to resentment. Each time they give in to your demands, they sacrifice a part of themselves, leading to lingering resentments buried deep within their subconscious. Statements like, “You are my partner, and you should do this if you love me,” emphasize ownership and control, undermining true love. Power struggles for control can shatter feelings of love, potentially leading to verbal abuse and even violence. True love requires mutual respect, support, and freedom for both partners to be themselves without fear of domination or manipulation. Embrace your partner for who they are, not for who you want them to be, and build a relationship based on genuine connection and mutual growth. |