It’s easy to fixate on someone’s flaws. A harsh word, an irritating habit, a perspective that clashes with our own—these moments can become the lens through which we see a person entirely. We judge, we write them off, and in doing so, we carry that negativity with us. But what if we could shift our perspective? What if we could see beyond these surface-level irritations and embrace a deeper understanding of those around us?
Why Do We Fixate on the Negative?
Our minds are wired to detect threats, to identify what is “wrong” in a situation, a person, or even ourselves. This survival mechanism once protected us, but in our modern world, it often translates into hyper-awareness of flaws rather than a balanced perception of reality. The problem? When we focus only on what we dislike in others, we shrink our capacity for connection, compassion, and even personal peace.
But here’s the truth: Every person carries both light and shadow. Just as we hope others will see the best in us, we can extend that same grace outward.
Ways to Shift Your Perspective
1. Reframe the Narrative
Instead of labeling someone as “rude” or “inconsiderate,” ask yourself: What might they be struggling with? Could their behavior be a reflection of their own pain, stress, or past wounds? This doesn’t excuse harmful actions, but it invites understanding instead of immediate dismissal.
2. Practice Radical Acceptance
The spiritual path teaches that all things exist in duality—good and bad, light and dark. To love life fully, we must accept this duality within ourselves and others. Instead of resisting or resenting the aspects of a person that bother you, acknowledge them with neutrality. They are as they are. Acceptance dissolves resistance, and in that openness, compassion growsRadical acceptance.
3. Expand Your Context for Life
People are not one-dimensional. No single trait defines them. Imagine if you were judged only by your worst moments—how limiting that would be! When you expand your context, you allow room for complexity. You begin to see a person’s journey rather than just the single action that irked youExpanding the Context o….
4. Turn Inward—What is Being Reflected?
Often, the traits we dislike in others mirror something unresolved in ourselves. Are you reacting to someone’s arrogance because you struggle with self-worth? Does another’s impatience frustrate you because you, too, feel rushed? Recognizing these reflections is a powerful step toward self-awareness and growthTruth grants us power.
5. Focus on What You Can Control
We cannot change others, but we can change our relationship to them. If you find yourself dwelling on someone’s flaws, pause and redirect your focus. How can I show up with kindness despite this? Choosing to respond with love rather than irritation shifts your energy and, over time, transforms your interactions.
6. See People as Evolving Beings
No one is a fixed entity. We are all constantly growing, learning, and stumbling along the way. The person you judge today may become the person who surprises you with kindness tomorrow. Holding space for the possibility of change in others allows grace to flow freely.
The Practice of Compassion
Seeing past negative qualities is not about denying reality. It’s about choosing a perspective that fosters peace rather than resentment. It’s about seeing the whole person rather than reducing them to a single trait. And most of all, it’s about choosing love—not because it’s always easy, but because it is the highest path.
So the next time you find yourself fixating on a flaw, ask: What would love see here? And then, with an open heart, allow that vision to guide you forward.