When someone seeks spiritual counseling, they often come to you with a conflict they believe is rooted in an external issue. They may start by saying something like, “I am upset because…” or “I’m struggling with…” However, as the conversation unfolds, it becomes clear that the issue is seldom what they think it is. More often than not, the true source of their discomfort lies within, not in the external circumstances they describe.
The Root of Spiritual Conflict: A Deeper Understanding
At its core, conflict arises from two fundamental fears:
- The fear of not getting what we want.
- The fear of losing something we have.
Both fears are future-oriented, tied to an imagined reality rather than the present moment. They are illusions—projections of the mind—pulling the person away from the truth of the here and now.
This distinction is crucial. The external situations the counselee describes, no matter how painful or challenging, are surface-level reflections of deeper inner conflicts. The key to healing lies in redirecting attention inward.
On the surface, this seems like a straightforward answer about external circumstances. However, as a spiritual counselor, your role is to help the person go deeper. The conflict they present is merely a doorway. What lies behind that door is a realm of internal struggle—unspoken fears, unmet needs, and unresolved emotions.
The Illusion of Control and the Power of Self-Alignment
When someone believes the problem lies outside of them, they give their power away. They become entangled in the illusion that another person or situation controls their happiness. But when fear is present, love—the higher vibration of the Self—is absent. Fear disconnects us from our higher selves, creating disharmony.
The real work begins when we, as counselors, guide the client to see that their peace does not depend on external change but on internal alignment. By shifting their focus inward, they reclaim their power. They no longer react to the actions of others but respond from a place of self-awareness and self-love.
The Ripple Effect of Growth
True transformation begins with one person. When they grow, their relationships naturally shift. Sometimes this creates discomfort for others, but it also offers others the opportunity to grow. A flourishing relationship doesn’t require both people to change simultaneously; it starts when one person chooses growth, creating space for the other to follow.
If both individuals embrace this growth, the results are exponential. Harmony and love radiate outward, elevating everyone involved.
A Moment of Reflection
Take a moment to reflect on this: When someone approaches you with a problem, listen beyond their words. What are they truly asking? What fears or unmet needs are driving their conflict? Help them uncover the story they’ve been telling themselves and guide them toward their inner truth.
The greatest gift you can offer is to help them see that the power to transform their life lies not in changing others but in reconnecting with their own higher self. When they align with love, fear dissolves, and harmony is restored.
The Role of a Spiritual Counselor
A spiritual counselor’s primary role is to listen—not to give direct advice. Offering advice can inadvertently create conflicts, especially if it contradicts other guidance the person has received. Instead, you might say something like, “When I’ve been in a similar place, I’ve done this.” Sharing your experience gently opens the door for them to reflect without feeling directed.
Why avoid giving definitive answers? Because doing so risks fostering dependency. If someone relies on you for all the answers, they lose the opportunity to take ownership of their choices and the consequences that follow. True spiritual growth comes from within. They must decide, act, and grow from their experiences.
Opening the Conversation
When someone seeks your guidance, the first step is to ask simple, open-ended questions like:
- “So, what’s going on?”
- “Why are you here?”
These questions allow the person to begin unpacking their inner conflicts. Often, the answers they give point to external factors, but the real issue lies within. Active listening is crucial here—hearing what is said, and, more importantly, what is not said. The hidden realm of unspoken truths often contains the keys to their healing.
The Dynamics of Spiritual Counseling
Sometimes a counseling situation is like watching someone repeatedly harm themselves while complaining about the pain. More often than not, their frustration is directed at someone else or an external situation. It’s like a man holding a pile of rubbish, complaining about the smell. If you try to help him without addressing the root of the issue, he might throw the rubbish on you and then complain about how you smell.
The truth is, the counselee must first recognize and take ownership of the “rubbish” they’re carrying. They might even say, “This is my rubbish. I refuse to let it go, but I’ll keep complaining about it.” Until they face this, real change is impossible.
The pivotal question becomes: “Why have you chosen this situation?” Situations arise because the soul needs growth. Each challenge presents an opportunity: to step into personal power or to fall into the role of a victim. As a spiritual counselor, your role is to guide them toward self-reflection and help them uncover the empowering conversations they need to have with themselves. These conversations are the key to reclaiming their power.
Consider this example:
A client says, “My girlfriend is terrible. She verbally abuses me, and doesn’t trust me. What should I do? Should I leave her, or should I try to work it out?”
When we gently guide the client inward, we uncover the essence of their conflict. Perhaps they are afraid of being alone. Perhaps they feel unworthy of love or fear losing something they’ve worked hard to build. The issue is rarely about the other person (the girlfriend in this case); it’s about the stories the client is telling themselves about their worth, their safety, or their future. You can help empower them through self-realization.
Your response might be as simple as:
- “What do you want to do?”
- “What can you do?”
- “What will you do?”
These questions shift the focus back to them, encouraging personal responsibility. If someone positions themselves as a victim, it becomes clear they are not yet ready to change. Growth begins when a person acknowledges their role in their situation and chooses to act.
The Power of Choice
Choice is the catalyst for transformation. For change to happen, a person must first acknowledge what is truly going on. If they cannot admit this to themselves, no external advice will create lasting change. Your job is to bring them as close as possible to seeing their truth.
If you tell them what to do, they are unlikely to follow through. When they discover the answer themselves, they own it—and with ownership comes accountability. Without this internal revelation, even the best advice you offer will likely be met with resistance or excuses about why it won’t work.
The Human Journey: Beyond “Right” and “Wrong”
We are here to learn and grow, not necessarily to get everything “right.” In fact, being overly concerned with what is “right” often limits our ability to act. “Rightness” is subjective and shaped by perception. Spiritually empowered individuals recognize this and focus instead on making a decision and moving forward, learning from the outcomes rather than remaining stuck in indecision.
When someone expresses upset or frustration, their struggle often lies deeper than the surface issue. For instance, if a person repeatedly says, “I’m upset because…” it’s a signal that their own resistance or unwillingness to change may be at the heart of the problem.
Counselor vs. Friend
A spiritual counselor is not a friend during a session. Friends often support each other’s “BS”—their belief systems. In friendships, there’s often an unspoken agreement: “I’ll call you out on your BS if you let me call you out on yours.” This dynamic can foster mutual growth and deepen love, but it’s not the role of a spiritual counselor.
As a counselor, your role is different. You are not there to validate someone’s beliefs or provide solutions. Instead, you guide the conversation in a way that empowers the person to reconnect with their own inner truth and reclaim their personal power. If you make the session about your solutions, you risk shifting the focus away from their growth and toward your own sense of accomplishment. True spiritual counseling is about the seeker, not the guide.
The art of letting go
Some people will approach you with the certainty that they already know what’s right or wrong. They might say, “I know this is wrong” or “I know this is right.” If they’ve come to you with this mindset and yet remain stuck, it’s often because they’ve closed themselves off to further growth. If they talk about change but take no steps toward it, their actions reveal their readiness—or lack thereof.
As a counselor, you don’t need to expend energy on someone who isn’t willing to act. You can decide whether to continue as their guide and for how long. Your energy and presence are precious, and it’s okay to step back when someone is not ready to receive the growth they claim to seek.
Remember: Not every situation requires your intervention. If someone hasn’t come to you for help, it’s not your place to insert yourself. Your role is to create space, not to fix or rescue. Judgment has no place in this sacred work. Instead, create a safe, open environment that allows the person to explore deeper realms of meaning and self-awareness.
Empowering Personal Direction
When a person doesn’t ask for what they want from life, they create space for others to take control of their destiny. Encouraging them to ask meaningful questions like, “What do I truly want?” and “What can I do next to align with that?” helps them reclaim their power.
Ultimately, spiritual counseling is about helping people reconnect with their inner voice and guiding them to take inspired action. By fostering awareness, empowering choice, and creating a safe space for growth, you help them elevate to their highest potential.
Growth is always a choice, and your role is to illuminate the path.
Message: One should not offer counseling in a professional way unless they have the correct education or licenses for it. Spiritual Counselors are not exempted and must have the proper training and/or licenses to be able to do so professionally. Having the proper education for counseling can be crucial to prevent misunderstandings or conflicts between the counselor and the client.